


A Fool's Game

by orphan_account



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: 5k+ words of boys being dumb, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Explicit Language, Fluff, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Peter's 23 and Wade is 28-30, Uncle Ben died when Peter was already in college, lame attempts at comedy, pigeon bashing, this is legit romcom omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-21 09:45:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11941506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Parkers' new neighbor is handsome, nice, funny... and spends an awful lot of time with Aunt May? There's no way Wade Wilson is becoming Peter's new uncle. Not on Peter's watch.Or the one in which Peter is a sleep-deprived college student who jumps too fast at conclusions, and Wade thinks he's doing a good job at flirting with Peter (he isn't).





	A Fool's Game

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a prompt on spideypoolfanfic on tumblr: "After Ben's death, May and Pete had to move out to a smaller apartment. They meet their neighbor; hot, blond, blue-eyed guy with a killer bod and even killer smile who always goes out of his way to help May out. After a few conversations, Pete has determined(assumed) that this Wade Wilson is a male escort with a penchant for older women and made it his life mission not to let Wade be Aunt May's boy toy or worse, his new step-uncle."
> 
> I haven't written in like 2 years, and it's my first time writing in English and for Spideypool. Please have mercy.

Peter was hurriedly pacing through the box-filled living room of their new apartment. It was 7 pm and Aunt May wasn’t back yet from the supermarket. It had been almost two hours and - and - he knew he should have never let her go alone! But Aunt May - gentle, kind Aunt May - had insisted on going on her own, since "her lovely nephew had already carried dozens of boxes today, and needed a good rest", and when he tried to object, she added she wasn’t a frail helpless old woman yet and that she was starting to feel insulted.

After Uncle Ben’s death, their old house felt way too empty, and they had moved out a year later. It was convenient for both of them since it was closer to their respective workplace, but Peter was starting to feel it had been a bad idea. They lived now in a new, unknown neighborhood. What if she got lost? What if she had been mugged? What if she fell in a manhole? He was starting to wonder if he should go out and start looking for her instead of brooding, when finally,  _freaking finally_ , the bell rang. Peter almost tripped on one of the boxes as he ran for the door.

"God, May," he started when he saw his aunt at the threshold, a smile plastering her face, but the remaining of his sentence got lost in his throat as he noticed the blond man standing behind her.

He was tall and broad-shouldered, and the t-shirt he was wearing did nothing to hide the flexing muscles Peter couldn’t help to notice. A long nose, a jaw that could probably cut diamonds, blue eyes studying him intently - and Peter felt himself sweat. The dude was smokin’ hot. But -

_ why the hell was he standing behind Aunt May already? _

His face must have showed his astonishment, because not even two seconds later, Aunt May started to speak:

"Peter, let me introduce you to Mr. Wilson. He lives next door; we met downstairs and he helped me carrying the groceries up here."

"Please, call me Wade," hot dude immediately said, and if Peter thought he couldn’t be more attracted to a guy at first sight, he realized his mistake when hot dude flashed him a large grin and extended his hand in a friendly motion.

Peter shook his hand hesitantly, finally noticing the plastic bags Wade was holding, and stepped aside to let them in the apartment - but the man politely stayed on the threshold.

"We would have loved to invite you for dinner, Wade, but unfortunately we didn’t finish unpacking yet," May said as she entered, disappointment genuine, while Peter helped Wade to get rid of the groceries.

"It’s nothing May, don’t worry. Would you like me to help you with these, though?" Wade replied, gesturing vaguely at the boxes in the room.

Wow. Peter eyed both of them curiously. Were they on first name basis already?

"No, no, don’t bother," she smiled widely.

"Oh, I should get going then. If you need anything, you know where to find me," he winked - yes, he actually  _winked_  - before leaving.

Aunt May waved and giggled like some sort of teenager and  _what the hell was happening_. Peter stared at her with goggly eyes.

_Did he just witness his aunt flirting with a man thirty years her junior?!_

 

* * *

 

The second time Peter met Wade, it was 6 in the morning, in the middle of a calm street. He was heading to classes (fuck his schedule), and was surprised to see him coming from the other way. It was a shortcut he had discovered a few days ago, and it was usually empty.

"Hey! We keep meeting each other," Wade declared with a cheeky grin when he was finally close enough.

"Hi. We’re neighbors. And it’s only the second time we meet." Peter tried to sound unimpressed, but really he was starting to get self-conscious of the dark circles under his eyes, his tired face and the messy hair he had given up on taming this morning. The shirt he was wearing was the same as the day before and it probably had a few stains on it. Viva la college vida.

On the contrary and despite the early hour, Wade’s hair was perfectly combed, his eyes - although a bit tired - were sparkling with mischief and Peter could smell was a faint scent of perfume lingering on his clothes.  _A feminine perfume_ , he decided, and he couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed.

"The second time preceding a lot of other times, hopefully," the older man retorted with wiggling eyebrows, not an ounce of discouragement nor shame as he spoke.

Peter cringed slightly at the loud voice, not used to this kind of noise so early in the morning.

"Don’t wanna pry but… How can you have so much energy when the sun isn’t even up yet?"

"What can I say, I’m a man of the night," he practically slurred the last part, accompanying his words with a suggestive gesture of the hand as Peter tried to fight a hard blush creeping on his cheeks (and failed miserably).

This man was very different from the polite man Aunt May had brought home last time, and Peter found himself at a loss for words. It’s only when Wade broke the silence with a booming laugh that he realized he was gaping on air like a goldfish.

_So much for looking smart, Peter,_  he scolded himself internally. Now Wade probably thought he was a virgin  _and_  an idiot. Well, he was, a virgin that is - not an idiot, thank you very much -, but Wade didn’t need to know that.

"Oh god, Petey (hey, good nickname), you should see your face, it’s hilarious!" the blonde wheezed as he wiped an imaginary tear. "Also very cute. A bit stupid, but it’s cute."

"I-I’m not stupid!" was all Peter managed to answer.

"Whatever you say, Petey pie! Tell your aunt I said hi!"

And with that, Wade left.

 

* * *

 

Peter inhaled a sweet smell coming from the apartment complex as he climbed the stairs to his flat. As he approached the door, he realized the scent was coming from  _his_  kitchen.

_Since when did Aunt May learn to cook this good?!_

Not that he minded, he just got out from a long and boring lecture and he was craving for something to eat. He opened the door and headed for the kitchen, ready to praise his aunt for the food, but he stopped dead in his track when he was welcomed by Wade peeling some potatoes.

"Uhhh, hi?" he asked.

Aunt May was hidden by Wade large frame, herself busy cutting tomatoes. When she heard Peter, she greeted him with a wide smile.

"Pete, I invited Wade for lunch. Believe it or not, he is a god in the kitchen!"

Wade smirked, and whispered with an air of conspiracy so Aunt May couldn’t hear:

"Not only in the kitchen."

Peter fought hard not to roll his eyes to the sky (his aunt would have scolded him for being rude).

"How long were you two here?"

May seemed a bit taken aback by his question, but she checked the clock on the wall before saying it had been about an hour. When he offered his help, Wade politely told him they could handle it by themselves and that he could go rest a bit after a long day. Peter wanted to say it was only 1 pm, but after some consideration, he realized he really wouldn’t be useful. He shrugged before leaving the kitchen for the living room and sighed.

Was Peter paranoid or was this guy really trying to charm his aunt? Why was he so polite in front of her when he had been so crude the one time he had been alone with Peter? And he did say he was a man of the night…

Soon, the food was ready and they all seated on the circular dining table. During the meal, Wade cracked a joke or two, sometimes mentioning obscure movies and songs Peter nor May had never heard about, but Peter’s mind was preoccupied by something else. He didn’t realize he was staring at Wade suspiciously until May called his name, her eyebrows risen.

"Pete, I think you’re making Wade a bit uncomfortable."

A blush growing on his face, he sputtered an apology before resuming to eat.

"It’s okay, May," he heard Wade answer sheepishly. "Peter must be a bit bothered by the fact that a stranger is having lunch in his apartment."

_Wait._

"Oh, Wade, you’re not a stranger!"

_What?_

Wade laughed and turned his head to Peter, whose eyes were starting to become owlishly round.

"Then I hope you’ll grow used to my presence, Petey."

_Oh god._

He didn’t hear May’s comment on his nickname, nor Wade’s raucous laugh. He was way too focused on what he had finally realized. The flirting.  _‘A man of the night’. ‘Used to my presence’._

Wade Wilson was an escort who had made his goal to become May’s boy toy.

 

* * *

 

Even a few weeks later, Peter was still confused. Why was Wade even trying to become May’s lover? It wasn’t like they were rich and like May could become his - he cringed mentally - sugar mommy (bless your soul, Aunt May). And it wasn’t like Wade was an ugly fucker who couldn’t seduce a woman his age! For fuck’s sake, he even managed to seduce Peter at first sight! Wait, that wasn’t the point.

It was 10 am, and Peter sipped the hot coffee the barista handed him a few minutes ago before sighing longingly, trying to erase the traumatizing pictures of May and Wade sharing an intimate kiss from his imagination.

"Fancy seeing you here, Pete!" a loud voice called him from behind.

Peter wanted to cry. God wasn’t keen on sparing him, was he?

He lifted his head, forcing a smile, and saw Wade’s toothy grin directed at him. The older man pulled the chair in front of him and sat down without any invitation. He was as handsome as ever.

"Are you stalking me, or is it really a coincidence?" Peter asked with a frown.

"Neither! It’s  _fate_ , baby boy!" Wade answer with a weird eyebrow wiggle.

Peter couldn’t help but snort at Wade’s antics, and Wade beamed even more if it was possible. Peter didn’t comment on the newfound nickname, and resumed drinking his coffee.

"Typical college student working on caffein, I see," Wade commented.

"You couldn’t be more right. Sometimes I wonder if college is even worth it."

"It’s worth it if you don’t want to end up with a job like mine (Peter eyed him curiously). What are you majoring?"

"Biochem."

"Oh nooo, you’re a class A nerd! You’re lucky I like nerds. I bet you’ve watched all the Star Wars movies at least four times."

"Six, actually," Peter croaked bashfully, a bit ashamed to fit so well in the nerd category.

"Eyy, you’re just a rookie either way. I’ve watched them ten times," Wade declared gravely. "Bow before me."

Peter’s heart became lighter all at once. He grinned at the blond man.

"Shut. up."

Wade didn’t answer right away, instead he moved a bit closer, as if he was scared people would hear him.

"I even watched the entire collection of Golden Girls this month too.  _Five times_." Peter looked at him with round eyes.

"When do you even find the time?"

"I’m afraid it’s a secret I’m only sharing with my most trusted companions, and as cute as you are, I’ve only known you for a couple of months. But we can remedy that."

"And what are you planning to do?"

"Rewatch Golden Girls a sixth time this month. With you."

"Yeah, right. When I’ll find the time, maybe. Which I would totally be able to do if only you gave me your secret."

" _Come oooon_ , Petey! Everyone have the time for Bea Arthur!"

Peter scoffed, but didn’t reply. Maybe Wade wasn’t actually that bad. He shyly looked down at his cup of coffee, vaguely noticing that Wade was starting to fidget in his chair.

"Anyway, how’s May doing lately?"

Scratch that. He almost forgot that Wade’s actual target was his aunt. He furrowed his eyebrows suspiciously.

"Peachy, as always, I guess. Why?"

"Well, last time I saw her, she seemed a bit sad. She said she was worried about you overworking and always spending time with her, when at your age people are usually out with their friends. Saying she didn’t want to miss on things because of her, that you should go out and have some fun, dating, whatever. She’s a lovely lady, it saddened me to see her so distressed."

As he spoke, Peter’s face was getting gradually redder - and this time in anger. By the time Wade finished speaking, he was almost spluttering, furious.

" _Last time_? You see each other that often? Wait - that’s not the point. The point is that is hardly your business, Wade. I don’t care you’ve become my aunt’s confident or something, but I won’t accept this sort of comments from someone I barely know! I can manage my life and my relationships with my friends and  _my_  aunt on my own!"

Wade looked like a deer caught in the headlights, and widely gestured when he saw Peter starting to put his coat on.

"Wait wait wait Petey pie -"

"Don’t ‘Petey pie’ me, Wade, you -"

"No, but it really wasn’t my intention to patronize you!" Wade caught Peter’s hand before he could leave. "I’m really sorry! It’s just… We haven’t known each other for a long time, but I care about both of you. I really do. You don’t know how refreshing it is to be with you too when you’re daily mixing with the kind of people I have to frequent - well, nightly, in my case. I really wanted to make the frown she had last time vanish, and you know, you seem so tired everyday…" he rambled.

His blue eyes seemed genuine, and Peter pursed his lips in a thin line. He realized he couldn’t stay mad at Wade’s apologetic face for very long.

"Yeah, okay, I… I get it, I overreacted too. I have a lot of things on my mind, and I kind of lashed out on you. Sorry. I’ll fix this with May, everything’s fine."

A large grin appeared immediately on Wade’s handsome face, and Peter’s heart fluttered a bit. With this obvious show of concern, he thought that maybe,  _maybe_  Wade really fell for May, the same way Peter was starting to fall for Wade.

Oh, dear. He was so screwed.

 

* * *

 

Even if Wade had been genuine, Peter wasn’t ready to have a man barely 5 years older than him becoming his step uncle, especially since he was starting to grow a crush on that same man. And anyway, it’s not like May would be interested in a man thirty years younger than her, right?

Never in his life Peter would have thought his aunt would become his rival in love.

As Wade and May suggested, he decided to focus on his non-existent social life a bit more, and that’s why he invited Gwen to the restaurant to catch up a little. Maybe he could forget for a bit the rom-com that was his life that way.

Gwen had been his best friend since high school, she was smart, pretty, funny, and Peter had crushed on her from the first time he saw her. At some point they had tried dating for a short time, but they finally decided they preferred remaining friends.

And like that, on a Saturday night, 8 pm, he was babbling about his desperate situation to his most trusted confident, seated in a family restaurant. So much for forgetting his problems.

"- and the thing is, he’s totally head over heels for my aunt! Would you believe that? I mean, May’s so sweet, and I love her too, who wouldn’t? But I mean, I don’t love her like that, ew, okay granted since she’s my family but! Is he the reverse of a loli-con? How do you call that? An old-con?"

"I don’t know if I’m more impressed by the fact that you talked without taking your respiration for" she looked at her watch "two minutes, or that you know the word loli-con." Peter pouted and Gwen simply laughed. "You jump to conclusions so fast. Did he actually tell you he was interested in your aunt?"

"Well, no, but…" he never finished his sentence.

"God, Pete, you’re one of the smartest guys I know but sometimes you can also be the most stupid."

" _What_?!" Peter gasped. "I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now."

Gwen laughed again. They finished eating quickly, chatted and gossiped a bit more, and thirty minutes later, they were out.

"Wanna stop by my flat? I don’t think you’ve come since we moved out. May would be so happy to see you, it’s been a long time…"

"Mostly because Mr. Parker here is too busy to hang out with his friends," she pointed a finger at him tauntingly, a playful smile on her lips, "but yeah, I’m totally in."

They walked in a comfortable silence until they reached the parking lot of the apartment complex. The dark silhouette of a man looming over his motorcycle could be seen a few meters away, but Peter didn’t pay attention to him until the man actually called his name. Guess who it was??

"Hey, Petey!"

Gwen raised a brow at the nickname, and Peter waved at the approaching figure awkwardly.

"It's him," he whispered, and Gwen made an ‘Ohh’ in understanding.

When he was finally at Peter’s height, Wade seemed to notice Gwen.

"Hi, the name’s Wade. I'm Peter's neighbor."

"Gwen," Gwen answered.

There was a pregnant pause before Wade started to talk again.

"Are you two…" he vaguely gestured in the air.

"O-Oh, no, she’s just a friend," Peter immediately clarified, and Gwen eyed him knowingly. "My best friend."

Wade’s posture immediately straightened, his face brightened, and he scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

"Well, I was leaving for work. Fancy meeting you, Gwen." He didn’t make a move to leave right away though, seeming to debate something in his head. He turned to Peter. "I was wondering if I could stop by your apartment tomorrow, I think I left my jacket there this morning."

"Yes, but - Wait, what do you mean, ‘this morning’?!" Peter exclaimed.

Wade shrugged. "Your aunt invited me for breakfast."

Peter glanced at Gwen in an ‘I told you so’ gesture and shook his head lightly. If May was interested in Wade too, the whole ordeal would be way more complicated than he thought it already was. He had to stop this mess before it escalated further.

"L-Listen Wade, no need to come by tomorrow. I’ll go to your apartment with your jacket by myself." Wade looked at him curiously. "Alone," he insisted, actually meaning Without Aunt May For You To Flirt With.

Surprisingly, Wade didn’t react to the fact that Aunt May wouldn’t be there. He just blinked at Peter’s pointed stare, and Peter would have sworn Wade started blushing, the red color visible despite the darkness. Did he realize Peter busted him?

"Okay, no prob. I’m expecting you tomorrow, then," Wade finally said before leaving to his motorcycle. Gwen patted on Peter’s shoulder with a smirk.

"Come on Romeo, your aunt is waiting."

 

* * *

 

The next day, Peter rang Wade’s bell door at 6 pm, a red jacket in his arms. And no, he definitely didn’t sniff it like a creep (it definitely smelled like Wade).

Wade immediately opened the door, charming as ever.

"Hey. Didn’t lose your way to here?"

Peter snorted and handed him the jacket. Wade looked at it, then at Peter, and took it.

"You don’t wanna go in?"

"Oh, I don’t want to impose myself, I…"

"You’re  _so_  not imposing yourself, baby boy, it’s the complete opposite! Come on! Let’s drink! Watch a movie!"

"Okay…" Peter answered hesitantly. He was absolutely thrilled to enter Wade’s flat for the first time, but truth be told he wasn’t mentally ready. God knew how Peter could be awkward when he wanted. And when he didn’t want to as well.

Wade’s apartment rooms were at the same place as Peter’s, but the younger man was stunned at how the disposition of the furniture could change the atmosphere. The living room was tidy, but Peter suspected Wade had just cleaned it before. He didn’t seem like the most organized person.

Wade had disappeared to the kitchen and came back with two bottles of beer, as Peter was sitting down on the sofa.

"Wait, are you even legal to drink?"

"I’m 23, thank you very much." Peter glared at him without any real spite. "But I don’t really like to drink."

"It’s a pity Petey," Wade hummed as he left one of the bottles on the table and sat next to Peter. "Wanna drink anything else?" Peter shook his head. "Okay then, what d'ya wanna watch?"

Peter stared at the huge collection of disks Wade had piled up next to the TV in awe and in the end, they settled for  _300_. That evening, Peter found out Wade wasn’t a silent watcher, and he was grateful for that because he wasn’t either.

"Good grief, look at these Spartan abs. I’m sure an arrow could bounce on them. (Spoiler: they can’t, colon open parenthesis)."

"Why are they only wearing a cape and a brief when they are going to WAR?"

"Oh em gee, this guy had the death flag on him since the first moment he talked!"

"Xerxes’s a hoe."

"I wanna marry Leonidas."

"Not if I marry him first."

"Sweetums, how could you do that to me?! I thought our love was real!"

"Hey! You’re the one who suggested marrying him first!"

" _It's a heartache, nothing but a heartache, hits you when it’s too late,_ " Wade started to sing as Gerard Butler threw his spear at Rodrigo Santoro. "God, no! I’m always so frustrated to see he didn’t manage to unalive him!"

"Unalive? Really?" Peter chuckled as he rolled his eyes, a small smile plastered on his face, and allowed himself to move a bit closer to Wade.

 

* * *

 

The Friday night after exams, Peter decided he didn’t want to go home yet. He didn’t really have any friends in his promotion and didn’t like drinking, so he just wandered alone in the streets, bag on his back. It was 9 pm and the night had already fallen.

That’s when he saw him. Across the street, in a dark alley, Wade in a white shirt, black pants, talking to some woman. Peter approached them silently, ready to call Wade, when he heard him speak.

"…- so beautiful, I don’t know what to do."

For whatever reason (a stupid one), Peter decided it was a wiser idea to abruptly stop and to crouch behind a trash can. Why was he even hiding? He felt like a creep, god. But he was curious to know what, or  _who_ , Wade was talking about. Stupid Peter having a stupid crush on stupid Wade.

"They look so frail, so ready to break, but I know they are actually the strongest. I’ve been told everything they had endured and the fact that they still smile like this enthrall me. God Vanessa, you should see their smile! It’s the cutest thing I have ever seen! And I’m so drowning in their eyes. I think I’m slowly starting to be overwhelmed by… the… the L-word. I think it’s starting, Vanessa! What do I do?!"

‘Vanessa’ smiled widely, hitting Wade’s arm in a friendly manner. "Wow, Wade! Who’s the lucky one?"

Wade’s eyes darted left and right, as if he was afraid someone was spying on him (there was) and whispered: "My neighbor."

Peter gasped, but the sound was fortunately drowned under Vanessa’s squeal. Was Wade really in love with his aunt? Was it another neighbor? There was this pretty girl, Jessica, who lived upstairs… Or was there a one percent chance Peter was actually the ‘neighbor’ Wade was talking about? Peter’s heart was thumping loud in his chest, and felt himself sweat a bit.

He didn’t notice right away the pigeon who had landed next to him, eyeing him dumbly. Still on edge, frustrated and confused, Peter cringed when he finally saw it. He hated pigeons.

"Shoo!! Come on, scram!" he hissed quietly. Pigeons were starting to get so confident, lately. The pigeon’s wings fluttered and in an abrupt move, he suddenly flied even closer. Taken by surprise, Peter took a step back and knocked out the trashcan behind him, filling the alley with the piercing noise of the metal falling on the ground.

"Peter?!" he heard Wade exclaim.

He was still lying on the ground, and his ears were starting to feel hotter and hotter. Scratch that, his whole face was probably putting to shame the reddest tomato.

Peter scrambled to his feet, and quickly searched for an excuse. He rummaged through his bag and took out the camera he was always carrying with him.

"I was… I was taking photos…" He looked around him. The district wasn’t particularly pretty. He looked at the pigeon who hadn’t left yet, moving its head stupidly like any random pigeon. It still had the nerve to look at Peter in the eyes. "… of pigeons. I was taking pictures of pigeons. There are a lot of pigeons around here, you know."

Wade looked at him with round eyes, then noticed the pigeon at Peter’s feet. He shuffled in discomfort.

Peter wanted to die.

"You know this weirdo, Wade?" Vanessa whispered.

"Yeah of course, he’s my neighbor… ’s nephew. My neighbor’s nephew," he repeated pointedly.

Peter’s face fell in one second. He was only the neighbor’s  _nephew_. He wasn’t even Wade’s someone, hell, he was just Wade’s  _someone’s someone_. And May was probably the person Wade liked. His eyes started to prickle, but it was nothing compared to the pain he was feeling in his chest. He lowered his head, as if diverting his gaze would make them look away too.

"Y-Yeah. And I think I should go," he stammered bashfully before running away.

 

* * *

 

He didn’t see Wade again after this. He was actively avoiding him and succeeding, and had also begged May not to invite Wade anymore - or at least not when he was there. May had asked him why, concerned, but he just explained it was a small argument. May didn’t try to pry more. At this point, Bonnie Tyler’s second biggest hit was actually telling the story of his life.

It was a Thursday, 5 pm. Peter was walking back from work after Jameson had vented his anger on him - as usual-, it was pouring outside, he didn’t have an umbrella, and he was drenched because a car had exceeded speed limitations and had driven into a puddle that happened to be next to him.

He slammed the door of his apartment, angry and frustrated and went in his room to change clothes. He wanted to scream and punch something hard. May was out today and he was considering shouting in a cushion very seriously, but as he was leaning to take the pillow on his bed, the bell rang.

He opened the door, ready to get rid of the newcomer before he blew a fuse. His anger disappeared for one second when he saw Wade looking at him on the threshold, but his rage redoubled even more when the surprise faded away, the embarrassment he had previously felt turning into hostility.

"May’s not here," he spat with a glare.

"I know. I’m here to talk to you."

Peter frowned a bit, but seeing Wade’s sad puppy eyes, he gave in quickly. He sighed and let him in. Stupid crush.

Wade fidgeted a bit, unusually uncomfortable, and finally opted to sit on the sofa. He stayed quiet for a while, as if searching for something to say. Still standing in front of him, Peter was starting get frustrated again.

"I’ll never accept you as my uncle," he promptly declared at the same time as Wade quietly said: "I like you."

"What?"

" _What?"_

Peter looked at him, eyes wide as saucers, and Wade mirrored his expression.

"You like me?!"

"You thought I wanted to become  _your uncle_?!"

"But… But… Don’t look at me like this! You flirted with Aunt May! You helped her with the groceries!"

"She’s an  _old lady_!!"

"You’re always eating with her! And talking about her when you’re talking with me! You’re so polite with her!"

"She’s the one who invites me because I always help her with the groceries! And I’m talking about her as a simple topic of conversation! I like you, okay, and I know you care a lot about her, so I wanted to act polite in front of your family and I wanted to make clear I didn’t see her as a hindrance if we ever… got in a relationship. Guess I was thinking a bit ahead of myself." Wade muttered the last part bitterly.

"You like  _me_?!" Peter repeated dumbly.

"I think this was established already! I flirted non-stop with you!"

"No! You said I was only your ‘neighbor’s nephew’ last time, when a few seconds before you said you liked your neighbor!"

"I panicked, okay?! I was afraid you had heard the conversation and I didn’t want you to know I was so serious about you! And I was right, you  _did_  hear!"

"I-It was an accident! And for your information, I don't mind if you're serious about me, far from it!"

By the time they finished shouting, they were both panting. Peter gazed at Wade’s red face, the color bringing his blue eyes, and next thing he knew, they were kissing each other senselessly. In an instant, he was straddling Wade’s lap, the latter’s arms around his waist. The older man’s chapped lips fit perfectly against his own, and when Wade broke the kiss, he shivered from the loss of contact. Wade’s eyes were looking right into his own, as if he was reading into his soul.

"So… should I understand you like me back?"

Peter couldn’t help grinning, a happy blush forming on his cheeks. "Heh. Idiot."

"Hey, I’m not the one who thought you wanted to sleep with my aunt."

"Wade, I didn’t want to hear that. I think I’m traumatized for life." Peter complained. There was a silence, before Peter added: "Truthfully, I thought at first you were an escort who wanted to become Aunt May’s boy toy."

Wade barked a laugh.

"Pete, you’re officially the idiot in this relationship. An escort, really?"

"You said you were a man of the night!"

"I’m a  _bartender_! In the same bar you caught Vanessa and I talking about you. I was just at the back, ya know, taking what we call 'a pause'."

Peter looked at him speechless, before palming his face, ears and neck red. He realized now how stupid he sounded.

"I’m an idiot."

"That’s what I just told you."

Peter let out a bubbly laugh and Wade softly rubbed a thumb on his cheek.

"But at least, you’re my idiot."

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "It's a Heartache" by Bonnie Tyler  
> Thank you for reading!! My first language isn't English and I don't have a beta, so sorry if I made mistakes, and for probably shit characterization. Reviews and kudos are appreciated! <3


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